Insecurities.

Today's post will be a little different, I want to talk about my insecurities. One in particular is my fear of screwing up things someone has entrusted me with.

This fear is really strong at the moment as I sit in front of my washing machine watching it color fabric. I'm doing this for a friend who doesn't own a washing machine and she asked if she could come over to color them and I said that would be no problem or I could also just take the fabric and color it for her and get it back to her when done. I have dyed fabric before and had no problem with it.

Now I sit in front of the washing machine and have run every possible scenario in my head how this could go wrong; maybe the fabric won't color, maybe it will accidentally be pink, maybe it won't color evenly...
I had only ONE job and I screwed it up!!!

This fear is one of many things that my parents are responsible for, they constantly made me do things I wasn't capable of delivering as they wished, as a result I remember many failed attempts at the tasks I was entrusted with. Maybe I didn't do them right, maybe I did, but this has made me so aware of my mistakes that more that often I don't see my accomplishments and made my deathly afraid to take lead or be entrusted with something important.

I've gone to see many therapists and I'm constantly working my way through this to be a better person and see my many accomplishments and attributes as a job well done and not dwell on my mistakes. Most of the it works well.
But at the moment I'm deathly afraid of the fabric in my washing machine...